Post reblogged from I'm not unknown. I'm just uber-boutique. with 5 notes
Tebow died for somebody’s sins but not mine…
Tebow hit himself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage.
Source: raptoravatar
Photo reblogged from well, alright with 91 notes
haha i like how they’re reminded of the movie. the titantic was a real thing that happened. it could have just reminded them of the actual ship. that’s like if there was a bombing or something and the guy was like, “yeah it was just like pearl harbor. you know, the movie pearl harbor?”
I could probably learn this by reading the article, but all the pictures show it right next to land, so is that where it went down? And that was “terrifying”? Who stands on a ship that’s sinking a hundred yards from the dock and thinks they’re about to die? I would expect most people to just shrug and say “close enough.” Anything to get off one of those god damn boats.
Source: wellalright
Photo with 20 notes
While everyone else was busy being dismayed by how terrible NBC’s Wednesdays have become, I stumbled across this show, called Mobbed. It sounds like one of those dumb crime dramas that exist for three years before you hear about it from your parents, but it’s actually a show in which Howie Mandel and his various hats use large groups of dancing people to force other people to do things. 
These things include: get married, meet their secret four year-old grandson for the first time, or in the episode I saw last night, let someone they met on the internet move into their house. I’ve never witnessed a flash mob, but I would imagine it’s pretty awkward to just be out somewhere and suddenly everyone around you starts dancing and they’re blocking most of the exits so you just have to sit there and smile and pretend that it isn’t embarrassing for everyone involved. Now imagine if you were literally the only one not dancing and you were being filmed. This show is so uncomfortable to watch it should be illegal, and it kind of is since most of the episodes basically end in date rape.
The episode I saw last night was about a guy in a band called Punchline, who played one show in LA five years ago, met a girl named Dana’s friend and through her, starting talking to Dana daily on the internet. We only hear the dude’s side of the story the whole time, because he’s the one who’s going to use a flash mob to get his way. After five years of being internet friends, and jacking off furiously to her Facebook pictures, he decides that he’s going to surprise her by moving to Los Angeles so they can get to know each other, but only if she’ll let him move in with her. It’s weird. But luckily, Howie Mandel can make it weirder. Howie Do That? More like Why-ie Do That?, because none of this makes any damn sense.
They plan a flash mob based around Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me” and the movie Big Fish, because it was something they talked about online, probably five years ago when the movie was only two years past its relevance. Anyway, they spend forty minutes of the episode showing all the planning that goes into a flash mob, and if you thought the finished product was a waste of time to watch, wait till you see the rehearsals. They take a short break to show a PA pulling a white hair out of Howie’s nose, because that was way more interesting than watching 400 “free spirits” get yelled at through a megaphone. With 20 minutes left in the episode, they started the whole goddamn thing by having the girl go on a staged bad date with an actor who looked like Christian Bale, but with the wit of Howie Mandel through his earpiece. Even the way they cut it together, they couldn’t make it not look awkward as he sat there waiting for the next hilarious thing to say. Even though he told her she needed enhancement in her “chestal area,” she was still pretty into him. Then he stood up and said “I want you to want me” and everyone stood around awkwardly for literally 25 seconds, just waiting for the cue to start dancing. It was horrible. Then the dancing started and it got worse. They danced and danced and threw her in an elevator even though she has crippling claustrophobia, then danced some more and then the dweeb from the internet came walking out and she said, “Oh my gawd” in the most disdainful way I’ve ever heard. And then he led her through some more dancing and he sang with an acoustic guitar.
Then after recreating a scene from Big Fish with yellow umbrellas, he asked her if he could move in with her, or if he should take the truck full of everything he owned, which was parked right next to the mob, and drive it back home. 
She cried a little, probably not for the right reasons, and said yes, then stood there holding his hand awkwardly while being grilled by Howie. It was definitely the creepiest method I’ve ever seen for a “nice guy” to get out of the “friend zone.” The show is trying really hard to be fun and whimsical and inspiring, but it’s just so fucking creepy and uncomfortable. There’s a good reason this show only exists to be shown on random nights before American Idol starts again. If you’re ever looking for a show to watch when you want to feel bad for everyone, I would recommend this, but who knows when it’ll be on the air again.
Photo reblogged from Feed Me A Stray Cat with 34 notes
The Firehouse burger with sweet potato fries at Burger Club, Astoria, N.Y.
I want to go to there
I just read the Yelp reviews of this place last night and a lot of people complained that the portions were too small for the price. Unless this all cost like $100, I’d say this photo begs to differ.
Source: twitpic.com
Post with 9 notes
Tower Heist 2:
Ben Stiller has to break into the Cash 4 Gold headquarters and get everyone’s gold back since that’s the only thing most people would do when a solid gold car part that’s evidence in a federal case is mailed to their house in exchange for their pension and life savings. And really, you’re only going to get a couple thousand for a solid gold steering wheel, Lester. Most of that thing was made of wood anyway.
Photo reblogged from SuburbanTragic with 123 notes
Things I want to know about Courtney Stodden:
- HOW THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD?
- What in the ever loving hell is wrong with her parents?
- Is she hopped on tranquilizers all the time? Because she’s got that vacant Anna Nicole look in her eyes.
- Are there people who actually see her as a model-slash-actress or does everyone who follows her on twitter or follow here life just do it in a train wreck sort of way?
- HOW DOES A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL LOOK LIKE THIS?
- Do you think she ever lays awake at night wondering what it might have been like to have a childhood?
- Do you think her twitter is ghostwritten by someone who once wrote poems for Hallmark cards and got fired for being too “touchy feely” with their co-workers?
- How has Chris Hansen not had a talk with her husband yet?
- Where did she come from? How did she get semi-famous? Did her parents just whore her out to the highest perverted bidder?
- HOW ARE HER PARENTS NOT MORTIFIED?
- What is the over/under on the age at which she will first be found face down on the bathroom floor in a pool of her own vomit?
- Is it me or has she, at 17, aged as badly as anyone on any Real Housewives show?
- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE INVOLVED IN ANY ASPECT OF HER LIFE?
- What the fuck is wrong with America?
- Am I the only one completely saddened by this spectacle?
Jesus Christ, she looks like she’s 40. And not the good 40.
I’m pretty sure that’s Sean Penn in drag.
Source: inthefade
Do you ever think that the phrase “Abortion is Murder” has been thrown around for so long
that some people now think the two words are synonyms? Because if murder was legal, it would slightly increase my chances of being murdered, which would suck, but it would also be the only possible reason for it to be anyone who isn’t a fetus or a pregnant woman’s business.
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