January 2012
5 posts
Tebow died for somebody's sins but not mine...
Tebow hit himself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage.
1 tag
December 2011
1 post
November 2011
3 posts
Tower Heist 2:
Ben Stiller has to break into the Cash 4 Gold headquarters and get everyone’s gold back since that’s the only thing most people would do when a solid gold car part that’s evidence in a federal case is mailed to their house in exchange for their pension and life savings. And really, you’re only going to get a couple thousand for a solid gold steering wheel, Lester. Most of...
October 2011
5 posts
2 tags
Do you ever think that the phrase "Abortion is...
that some people now think the two words are synonyms? Because if murder was legal, it would slightly increase my chances of being murdered, which would suck, but it would also be the only possible reason for it to be anyone who isn’t a fetus or a pregnant woman’s business.
1 tag
Jonah Hill and Hannibal Buress Sell Sitcom to Fox →
tvhangover:
Hannibal Buress is incredibly funny. Your move, NBC.
NBC’s move: “Comedy Central doesn’t have a wide enough base for a star like Jeff Dunham to really shine. In primetime on a major network, he could be the next Seinfeld. Cancel the one with The Soup and the Chinaman from The Hangover. Thursdays this spring: Peanut!”
1 tag
There's a Pontiac Aztek parked around the corner...
Sometimes I think that Breaking Bad was just the result of Vince Gilligan and one of his friends looking at a Pontiac Aztek and wondering what kind of person buys that kind of car.
2 tags
1 tag
In the same vein as "The Big Bang Theory minus the...
I’d like to see “Funny Video Compilation Show minus the Fake Punching and Groaning Sound Effect.”
September 2011
4 posts
Nation Just Happy Nancy Grace's Dick Didn't Pop...
damienfahey:
1 tag
You know how the Mexican drug cartel has been...
Do you think they’ve seen Breaking Bad? What if they kill Vince Gilligan? What if they kill Vince Gilligan before he tells anyone his plan for the final season? If that’s the case, I hope they just kill all of us, because that’s not a world I can stand to live in.
August 2011
4 posts
In my editing class, we spent most of the semester...
And the footage featured a very effeminate southern gentleman, and since the whole class was editing the same thing, we were just surrounded by his voice for 85 minutes twice a week. Then one time I was in the city and the guy was in front of me in line at a Starbucks and I recognized his voice when he ordered and I thought it was crazy to run into him because he was like a mini-celebrity to our...
1 tag
Sometimes I think I'm a strong person and I could...
Then I think about what I would do if I was at someone’s house or an event or something and they just served cold cut sandwiches for dinner. I’ve never really had any kind of breakdown, but that would definitely do it.
My girlfriend and I have been playing a game...
It’s called “Guess What I Found in My Bellybutton.” Actually, I play this game, she mostly threatens to break up with me. It’s a shame, too, because she could win every time if she just put a little effort into it. The answer is almost always, “a piece of blue lint disproportionate to the amount of blue you wore today,” but she won’t even try. I guess some...
5 tags
July 2011
2 posts
1 tag
June 2011
2 posts
May 2011
3 posts
Ryan and I broke up today, now my girlfriend is...
hamletcan:
After being together for three years Ryan is moving out. It’s been a long time coming, what with all the fooling around with people when the other person wasn’t home, IN THE SAME ROOM WE BOTH SLEPT IN, EVEN. Oh, there’s that, and then there’s the whole part where he’s become a stranger this past year, never home, sleeping God-knows-where, and staying out in the city til all hours of...
i got accepted to ramapo!
emcum:
hopefully it will be as nice as i think it will be
I’ve been to their ice rink, and subsequently to their hospital’s emergency room. Both are pretty nice.
3 tags
“We understand intuitively that everything we love will be taken from us. We...”
– Nathan Rabin (via synecdoche)
These 3 sentences are terrible. Rabin is the worst writer on that site. He should be fired then burned alive. It’s too analytical but also not analytical enough. It is the perfect length where I can accuse him of being self-indulgent and half-assing it. Wah wah...
April 2011
4 posts
1 tag
I want to get my realtor's license.
I think I could really corner the market on people like myself. I’ll quickly be known as “that broker that can actually spell and communicate the features of an apartment with any hint of literacy.”
Firth of Forth: "UPDATED - And so it begins.... →
barthel:
[buncha stuff clipped]
Look, I’ve said in the past that I’m awful at strategy. So maybe focusing on this aspect of the story will be effective in galvanizing opposition. But it does get my hackles up a little bit! There’s nothing wrong with financial managers per se, especially when…
I don’t know what this story is about, but I used to have a vacation up there, on Benton...
1 tag
2 tags
March 2011
5 posts
rubenfeld asked: Videos are great: They're well shot, well paced and interesting stories. Only complaint is no title pane to identify anyone or anything...
1 tag
1 tag
The Subtle Things in Life →
hamletcan:
Paula Deen Riding Things
Welcome to the party, pal.
February 2011
6 posts
i snagged an interview for monday at the cracker...
emcum:
if i get this job i’m gonna greet everyone with a “welcome to the barrel, CRACKA”
Let me know when you work your way up to 4 stars on your apron under your name. Then I’ll be impressed.
Things Brendan Smyth said to me
kelmitchell:
huskerdont:
Old Bay tastes like horse jizz.
He hates novelty music.
He hates novelty candy.
Cal Ripken’s streak of consecutive games played is the most overrated achievement in sports.
“Troy Aikman? More like Troy Gaykman! It’s funny because I hate Dallas Cowboys players and homosexuals.”
His last name is pronounced sm-eye-th.
He prefers to go by his initials, B.J. Smyth,...
Your car is Japanese. Your Vodka is Russian. Your...
firthofforth:
carloscoreas:
reblog if you are against racism!
This is globalism, not racism, geniuses.
If there’s one thing racists love, it’s kebabs.
January 2011
7 posts
Watchcomedycentral:
SportsDome Makes 9-Year-Old Heckler’s Dream Come True
If your biggest wish was for a video of a cute little girl calling a David Wright a cocksucker, it just came true.
This video is beautiful and I think it would be mostly appreciated by Mo and Rubenfeld. Totally not safe for work if you don’t have headphones and someone around you might get offended by a squeaky voice...
Watchcomedycentral:
Onion SportsDome Premieres Tonight!
Onion SportsDome premieres tonight at 10:30pm / 9:30c, right after the Tosh.0 season premiere. Here’s a clip about St. Louis trying to hold onto Albert Pujols by giving him a working key to the city.
Watch this show! I’m pretty sure it’s going to be funny!
At the very least, I can guarantee that the producers did the best job...
1 tag
Did anyone see the cover of the NY Post today?
It’s a picture of Peyton Manning, in cross-hairs. Terrible timing or NATIONWIDE CONSPIRACY?
