December 2008
53 posts
Southern Illinois University students accused of... →
“EDWARDSVILLE, Ill.- Two students at Southern Illinois University in this St. Louis suburb kidnapped, paddled and burned a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad, prosecutors said.”
The rest of the article is kind of scary and not as funny, but if you don’t click the link, it’s much easier to laugh at this young man’s delicious misery.
Getting into summer anthems in December makes the cold weather even more depressing.
On an unrelated note, I really want to get drunk on top of a water tower.
Did you know that during the writers’ strike, the entire cast of 30 Rock performed an episode live at UCB theater to raise money for the stage hands and production assistants? I didn’t, and I’m not happy about having to watch it on DVD.
Good to see you again, irony.
I was telling Chandler a couple days ago about my mounting suspicion that lesbianism is a hoax, since I’m 20 years old, attend a fairly liberal (almost)New York university, and cannot think of one lesbian I’ve ever met. And the ones in porn are clearly acting. Well, the girl I’ve been trying to hook up with since I got home might turn out to be my first gay female acquaintance....
Well, shit.
I’m getting really bored, really tired of having nothing to do, and just generally Hofstra-sick. (If you asked me a year ago, I never would have thought that’d be possible.) Unfortunately, I’m realizing that just about everything that I miss about that place will be gone in about 4 months. Everything but alcohol and the two friends that aren’t graduating.
Or probably shower.
Days like today, when no one is home and I wake up at 3:30 and watch 30 Rock all day in my pajamas make me realize that if I ever live alone, I’ll never leave the house.
Creedence Clearwater Revival- Long As I Can See...
Boredom got the best of me.
Alphabetization is complete. From 2 Fast 2 Furious to The SNL Collection Best of Will Ferrel, Volume 2 and 76 others in between. It’d only be about 50 if some of these were worth anything to the good people at FYE, the only remaining store of its kind in the tri-town area.
synecdoche:
cosmicfriend:
I’ve downloaded Stay Positive, Boys and Girls in America, and The ‘59 Sound in the last 9 hours, and somehow “When You Were Young” by the Killers is still the most Springsteenian song stuck in my head because we got Rock Band this morning. Thanks a lot Christmas.
There really isn’t a point to this post, except to document that I’m willingly listening to music made...
I’ve downloaded Stay Positive, Boys and Girls in America, and The ‘59 Sound in the last 9 hours, and somehow “When You Were Young” by the Killers is still the most Springsteenian song stuck in my head because we got Rock Band this morning. Thanks a lot Christmas.
There really isn’t a point to this post, except to document that I’m willingly listening to...
It's almost 5 am on Christmas morning.
Ten years ago, I’d just be waking up about now, going down the hall and trying to figure out what each present was without turning on the light, because that would somehow be cheating. This year, I still haven’t fallen asleep. This insomnia is really getting out of hand.
I have too many DVDs and too few slots on my DVD rack to keep them sorted according to actor/director/theme anymore. I was going to alphabetize them, but then Arrested Development would be right before the Austin Powers trilogy and right after 300, and we can’t have that. This is really making me realize how many movies I shouldn’t own.
& i'm currently eating a loaf of bread.
synecdoche:
in the past two days, i’ve baked cookies four times & drank eighteen cans of ginger ale while watching eleven movies. i need to get out of my house.
I thought bread looked gross. Was that a lie too?
She has no idea.
My mom thinks I’m a terrible person because I advocated stealing a trombone from the high school for my sister to use in college, wanted her to steal a cupcake for me, and complained about having to go to church on Christmas Eve. She also told me to “stop all that nonsense talk.”
I would be a lot more content with being snowed in for the second time in three days if my Xbox with Grand Theft Auto 4 had been shipped on time. Or even that copy of Goldeneye I asked for for Christmas.
Thank you Mac, Charlie, Nonsense
I’ve had novelty music, such as Day Bow Bow, Brass Bonanza and Ass Man stuck in my head for the better part of this week.
Alcoholic Energy Drinks Will No Longer Be Sold In... →
synecdoche:
This might be the worst news ever. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have passed my last two years of college without the existence of Sparks.
“The growing and widespread use of caffeine mixed with alcohol can distort judgment, weaken inhibitions and encourage risky behavior, especially in young people.” - California State Attorney General
Prohibition is on its way back....
Is it ironic that it’s taken me six hours to write only a third of my 1500 word paper about progress?
Having my parents’ eBay and Amazon account names and passwords is very similar to looking in their closet in the weeks before Christmas. I just hope that copy of “Step Brothers” isn’t for me, because I already regret buying “Talladega Nights” enough as it is.
Day Bow Bow (really Oh Yeah by Yello)
Ferris...
I think this school needs harder grading standards if I’m continually getting B+’s on papers that are so bad I’m embarrassed to proofread them. I really shouldn’t be complaining, but it means that all these bros are going to have a much too easy time graduating and cheapening my degree.
“I went to high school with a girl with a HUGE forehead. It was all I could...”
– Jim (who did you think it would be?)
It’s 55 degrees out. You can’t just spring something like that on me, especially when the school put the heat on and we can’t control it and I was already having enough trouble falling asleep when I was bundled up in really comfortable blankets. Someone is to blame for this, and it’s definitely not me or my suv.
I can’t wait to get out of here. Not because I really want to go home all that much, but I’m going to snap soon. Shitty internet connection and Lackman closing the fucking student center 2 hours earlier than normal because it’s finals week is going to cause me to end up yelling at someone who is in no way at fault. All I want is to be able to eat your shitty, overpriced food...
I even imagined people's responses to this
I have such a bad habit of imagining conversations. Most of my thoughts are in the form of conversations with people I know, which is weird because I barely talk to the people I know in real life. I didn’t think it was much of a problem until I imagined myself telling someone about the imaginary conversation I had with them. That’s just ridiculous.
Five person shitshows in a huge apartment, seeing a lot of man ass, and listening to a 45 minute drunken motivational speech from a man who ended it by running to the bathroom to puke make me really tired the next day.
I think the combination would kill me
Thank God I’m not actively trying to fuck anyone who’s really into musicals, or I might have to see Mama Mia. I wouldn’t be able to handle Dancing Queen and Meryl Streep’s face in the same two hours.
“Armed with what?! Err, bad breath, colorful language and a feather duster…...”
– Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
I was so glad when I saw this was on Hulu. I love this movie, and snow study days and rampant procrastination.
WatchHere Pilot. Sorry about that last film class ever thing. Oh and the pouring water on you thing.
Mallrats was on HBO last night at 1 am. I really wanted to watch it, but I didn’t want to stay up until 3 am since I had to work this morning. I didn’t fall asleep until 4:30 instead. Thanks for your help, once again, irony.
I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with friends and a man with square rimmed glasses walked in, and we all knew it was Harvey Danger. I don’t think that was the lead singer’s actual name, but we called him that and he responded positively. I figure that at this point, he really would be glad that someone recognized him as something, that he wouldn’t care what you...
How did Go Phone ever get Steve Buschemi and Norm Macdonald to do their nonsensical gingerbread man commercial? The only redeeming factor is that if you listen carefully, you can tell that Norm is just laughing through every line because of the absurdity of the whole thing.
I think that Crow(e)s, be they Black or Counting, can get me through most things in my life.
I used to only get insomnia in short phases, interspersed with phases of falling asleep immediately. Either that pattern is over or this phase is lasting two months, but I’m really fucking tired of these thoughts that keep me up for hours every night. I can’t wait until this semester is over so I can remove “getting enough sleep to get through class” from the list of...
As shitty as I felt all day today, I want more days like it. By that I mean I want more days where I have nothing to do but lay on the couch in the office and watch Arrested Development and ridiculous movies like “Detroit Rock City” for 6 hours. I want more hangovers, but without the headaches or the puking or the wishing for death.
Thanks Liz Lemon
I can never look at a visually impaired person eating pasta the same again.
I think a bird exploded outside of my building. There’s just a bird foot sitting there. I’d take a picture because an exploding bird is cool, but bird feet are really fucking gross.
I couldn't decide how to write about how I need to...
synecdoche:
pbr + sharp objects + clumsy pilot = bad news. now that i’m sober, my wrist stings like hell.
But this sums it up pretty well.
It's probably the radiation.
My right pocket won’t stop vibrating. Even if I’m holding the phone up to my head, it feels like it’s ringing in my pocket, and I of course check to see who’s calling. That stupidity might also be radiation.
I tripped over a chair this morning and fell for about a minute. I think that appropriately set the tone for the rest of the day.
I have reading to do and pie to eat, but I still can’t stop killing time on the internet until I deem it necessary to watch another episode of season 3 Arrested Development on hulu. I’m at the point where Tobias starts getting grotesque, and that’ll make me lose my appetite and I won’t even start that pie before it goes bad.
