January 2009
73 posts
Coming home at 2:45 sucks when you’re sober, didn’t fight or fuck at the party, there’s no one online to talk to and there are only two and a half pages of tumblr updates to read.
WatchI think Spike Feresten is my favorite late night talk show host, even though he only gets one night a week. And this is definitely my favorite Snuggy parody.
I wish I had been able to see a copy of the Harvard Lampoon before I wrote my 25th anniversary article. There could have been so many more appropriate jokes, like how nearly every piece of writing in there is a mildly amusing dialogue that would be much better suited to a sketch comedy show, or how the bottom of every page is filled with a baffling drawing of weird, unexplainable shit going on,...
I need to find a girl with a big bed. I’m tired of my uncomfortable bed and not getting laid.
What the hell am I supposed to do all day?
The Office has only been back for two weeks from their month long Christmas break and they’re already back to repeats last night? And 30 Rock, I thought I could count on you to be better than those dicks, but you have made a fool of me.
Ever since they switched to ABC, the pussy writers of Scrubs have clearly shown their allegiance to their new bosses. Two minutes into the first episode of this season and there was a comment about an intern being on a Lost fansite. Last night’s first episode started with Dr. Cox kicking an intern out for liking an NBC show. I wonder how ABC feels about the show making fun of how...
My Fitness for Life teacher told me today that she never knew I was so built. My brain was too deprived of oxygen at the time to notice, but I think she was mocking me.
I, for one, am very happy
Why wasn’t there a huge tumblr orgasm when Scrabulous came back to Facebook? Don’t you people love words? Or does the disdain of something so pedestrian as Facebook and its various applications override that?
You're Going To Be Talking About This: DTV... →
Seriously? This means another four months of redundant commercials warning the six people in the country who still use antennas to watch TV to get their shit together. We were so close to being free from the oppression. At least the old lady who stars in all of Spike Feresten’s sketches will have steady work for another four months.
(via thedailywhat)
I woke up at 9 am today. It feels like at least 10 pm now. Fuck this waking up early shit.
Kid Cop: 14-year-old boy dupes force and goes on... →
“He signed out a police radio and a ticket book and was sent out in a patrol car with another officer. The boy and his police partner spent five hours on patrol making traffic stops before returning to the station.”
This is one of the funniest things that’s ever happened in the real world, and I can’t wait for Jim’s big screen adaptation of “Kid Cop” or...
That sucked! That's what grenades do?
I can’t wait until season 4 of Always Sunny is on dvd, just so I can watch “Mac and Charlie Die” twice a day.
It’s beginning to sound very redundant with this movie coming out, but man, I love Jason Segel and Paul Rudd.
It’s always a good time going to the nearest Walmart on a Saturday night. Which happens to be in one of the only towns in the Northeast that still had a functioning Ku Klux Klan headquarters less than 15 years ago.
I hate when I try to get changed/naked and get stuck in my pants and fall across the room. I really hope I don’t get that 4th concussion with my pants around my ankles.
Sometimes listening to Andrew WK while driving makes me accidentally go upwards of 90 miles per hour. Oops.
It's a...mayonegg.
gifparty:
There, streak broken. Thank you again Arrested Development.
besides nph esp.
synecdoche:
My favorite thing about last night’s How I Met Your Mother (which was REALLY great, by the way) was how adorable pregnant Cobie Smulders is and how they’re not covering it up.
What? Maybe because you’re perpetually pregnant (is that still a joke you make?) you notice these things, but I didn’t notice anything that needed to be covered up and she looked really hot when she...
I’ve now seen Busy Phillips in three different contexts, and I’ve got to say that I just don’t care for her. I thought it was just because Kim Kelly was such a bitch (problems at home don’t make up for sticking your finger in someone’s pudding), but she should have been likable in Undeclared and it just didn’t work for me. Her portrayal of a sorority girl...
I’ve liked “How I Met Your Mother” since I first saw it, but I never knew why. I could never give a good reason and no particular scenes really stood out. Then came the Slapbet story arch. I can’t decide if Marshall slapping Barney on stage, or singing “You Just Got Slapped” is the moment that the show did the exact opposite of jumping the shark, but I...
“I will do a lot of things to get laid… but I will NOT go to New Jersey.”
– Ted Mosby
I had to watch a lot of VH-1 last night at a friend’s house. ”Tool Academy” made me realize that they should hold fake auditions for shows like that in a gas chamber and do the world a huge favor. ”Celebrity Rehab: Sober House” made me realize that I never want to get to the point of having a drinking problem, only because I don’t want anyone to tell me I...
My insomnia (I got up early today, so 1 am counts as insomnia) led me to think about the autobiographic sitcom I’d like to someday find the motivation to write. Every time I think about it though, I force myself to give up the dream because I have a bipolar imagination, wherein I’m actually successful enough to land this show, but everyone from home hates me for the caricatures of...
I was afraid of this.
My parents are watching “Howie Do It.” I was introduced to almost all of my favorite shows by my Dad. I used to think this meant that he had good taste, but I guess it’s just playing the odds, since he’ll apparently watch anything.
I would say that this makes me wish I was back at school, but I’m pretty sure it’s better than “The Real World.”
I'm not gay, but
I can’t tell if In Bruges is really one of my favorite movies of 2008, or if I just like to look at Colin Farrell.
Today is a sad day.
Today was the day that my blowjob jeans finally got replaced by jeans that are fully in tact, leaving my mom with no excuse not to throw them out. Every blowjob I’ve gotten in the last two years (fine, every blowjob ever), involved those jeans. I can only say this with any certainty because I wore them at least five days a week for the last year and a half. Maybe they aren’t...
Fuck you, Boxhouse.
I take back everything I said last week about second hand smoke. My clothes smell so fucking bad.
That girl giggling through foreplay is really...
I really wish the people in the room next door would just fuck and get it over with, so the rest of us could go to sleep.
Also, what the hell was I thinking, not bringing a pair of headphones here with me? I think I might have assumed that I would get drunk enough to just kind of pass out, without considering that that’s never, ever happened. Okay, maybe once, but I might have been awake...
I'm not even supposed to be here today.
I probably should have texted ahead before I came back to the room, because they were definitely “awake in a bad way.”
I think this is the first time my terrible timing and general awkwardness has blocked someone’s cock besides my own. Oops.
I love laundry day because it allows me to watch TV in my pajamas until late afternoon while still technically being productive.
Is it really too much to ask to have a half hour tv show buffer in under an hour? What do I have to do, pay to watch these shows?